I ____________, pledge to do my best to embody the Not So Zen Mom Spirit.
I will not run, chase, or freak out if my kids do something dangerous and/or stupid. That is how he/she will learn.
I will not feed my kids solely organic fruits and vegetables and I will judge harshly those who do.
I will never fully disclose (even under extreme torture) exactly how much TV my kids watch per day.
I will not use any sort of environmentally friendly cloth diaper. I have enough shit to deal with as it is.
I will not judge my fellow mothers when they do something ridiculous, but I will certainly make fun of them.
I will not buy my kids a fish, turtle, cat, puppy or any other pet that my kid’s friends might see and want.
I will use no fewer than three curse words a day in front of my kids, but when he/she repeats them, I will blame my spouse.
I understand that the proper response to any nighttime waking by a kid over one year old is, “Go back to bed or Santa’s NOT coming!”
I will not speak of the evil known as “my child has given up napping,” in front of kids who are still tricked into daily rest…even if they are six years old.
I will try to do my best everyday, but when that’s not good enough, I will have a drink.
If anyone asks me what I do for a living, I will proudly respond…