I was picking up my son from preschool the other day and I ran into an acquaintance. It was the Dad of a kid who went to preschool with my older son several years ago and I hadn’t seen him since. He said, “Hey, how are you guys? I was worried when I saw you getting out of that Hyundai in the parking lot.” When I initially met this guy, I had been driving an older, somewhat nice car that we bought very used from a friend. Then I had my second baby and bought the Hyundai Sante Fe family truckster, equipped with 37 different airbags that I drive now. Clearly, that couldn’t be what he was referring to though, right? Wrong! Dumbfounded, I didn’t really respond. Although inside, several thoughts crossed my mind. Here is a snapshot of what those thoughts looked like:
- Did that guy seriously just say that?
- I’m speechless and that shit doesn’t happen often.
- Rock, Paper, Scissors…Throat Punch!
- My car is paid off. How much do you owe on your new, fancy car that your kids will ruin by next week? Yeah, thought so…
- At least it’s not a minivan!
- And last, but certainly not least is my all-time favorite:”Your level of Douchebagedness is unparalleled!”
The thing about Super Douches is that if you allow it, they can be rather entertaining. No one in their right mind, with the slightest bit of couth would ask someone such a ridiculous question and this guy let the words roll of his tongue like he was asking for directions. Although my husband didn’t find this story quite as entertaining, I still think it’s fantastic. So the next time you encounter a Douchebag of epic proportions, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride. And if you have the balls, I give you my full permission to utilize this gem as your response: