As if moms didn’t have enough on their to do lists during the holiday season…Now introducing, the Elf On A Shelf! For the month leading up to Christmas you’re not only going to be scrambling to mail 75 holiday cards, buy and wrap gifts, make gingerbread houses, get pictures with Santa, decorate you house, get a tree, put up lights, host a holiday party and attend several others, tip the mailman and garbage man, buy gifts for all your kid’s teachers, and remember to leave out milk and cookies for Santa…you’re also going to be a slave to the damn Shelf Elf.
I would say the odds of me forgetting to move our Elf on a daily basis hovers somewhere between 70-80%. Every night after we put the kids to bed and subsequently collapse on the couch from sheer exhaustion, that freaking Elf is the last thing on my mind. Until, of course, I am snug in my bed with my eyelids at half mast and all of a sudden I realize “Elfie” is sitting exactly where I left him last night. So I begrudgingly get out of my comfy bed and schlep the Elf from the kitchen to the dining room and proceed to completely forget about him until tomorrow night when I’m about to fall asleep! Unless of course, I fall asleep before I remember and have to try to move “Elfie” in the morning when the kids aren’t looking. That is, if they didn’t already notice he was in the same spot as the night before. In which case, you are to tell your child that “Elfie” will not move to a new spot if they had mediocre, half-assed or piss poor behavior the day before (take your pick).
I may hate “Elfie” but that doesn’t mean I don’t commend it’s creators. Boy, do they know their market! Not So Zen Mom’s are often riddled with guilt over their parenting and therefore constantly putting 110% effort into their children’s happiness, growth and development. There’s isn’t a NSZM on earth who didn’t run out and buy their kids a damn Shelf Elf just as soon as they hit the store shelves. Keeping with the motto, Parenthood: If You Don’t Laugh, You’ll Cry…If we don’t have the will power to avoid the Shelf Elf altogether, why not have a little fun with it while we’re slaving over him?!
I take credit for “Elfie” pooping candy bars, but the next few photos are from one of my closest girlfriends who is actually a pretty zen mom. She puts a lot more time and effort into her Elf on a Shelf…so just copy off of her if you need some inspiration: