As some of you may recall, I gave one of my girlfriends a bit of shit about her daughters repeatedly cutting their own hair down to the root (http://wp.me/p5p3lP-rL). Unfortunately, in doing so, I brought the wrath of bad hair cutting karma down upon my poor, unsuspecting 7-year-old son (he’s not quite as innocent as he sounds). Let me explain…Several years ago after having my second son and attempting to take them both to the barber for haircuts every other month, I asked myself, “Why am I paying for this torture?” Neither child would sit still, there was always a wait and the haircuts weren’t really that good. I figured, I can give my sons a mediocre haircut for free, in the comfort of my own home. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fast forward several years and things started to get a little “loosey goosey.” I would wait longer and longer to give the kids haircuts because they would always complain and then there was the necessary post haircut shower and cleanup. In this particular instance, I had waited extra long to give the kids their haircuts. Picture Elvis sideburns, some neck hair and a duck’s ass an inch in length. Did I mention it was the morning of picture day at school? I told you I waited too long! Amid the typical mad dash to get out the door for school in the morning, I added to the mix two haircuts and a shower. Not my best laid plan. After attempting to reason with my kids about my haircut plan to no avail, I snagged one of my boys and planted him on the stool, clippers in hand.
While I would love to blame my son for what happened next, I’m certain that wouldn’t be 100% fair. Though he didn’t make things easy and certainly riled me into quite a frenzied state, he wasn’t holding the clippers. I was. Then this happened:
The #3 guard was on the clippers, I swear. But somehow this is what happened. The worst part is that my son was so horrified that he wouldn’t let me finish the job and instead chose to go to school like this for two days before he let me take him to a barber to fix it. There are two lessons to be learned from this parent fail. #1. Always double-check the guard on the clippers. #2. Never make fun of your friend whose kid cut their bangs off at the root, because that is sure to come right back around and bite you in the ass!